Can We Talk About Same Gender Loving Men and Age Gaps?
At one time, I was skeptical that these partnerships were serious, but that was due to my preconceived notions of an older homosexual looking for a trophy-mate, who has the financial means to care for his kept boy, and a younger man looking for a financially generous daddy. This is now a clichéd premise that irritates males in age-gap same gender loving relationships. Years ago, I was taken aback when first learning that my partner and I are nearly 20 years apart in age. Fortunately, during our time with each other, our age gap has rarely been a factor.
Some men prefer males who are significantly older than they are. Many of the comments we’ve heard begin with something like this: “I’ve always admired older men, but many gays my age are skeptical of me and suspicious of my motivations.” They don’t comprehend it, and I don’t either, so how can I explain it to them?” “If I meet an attractive man my age, he might as well be a woman,” one young same gender loving man told us. “I’m not feeling anything.” “I don’t get aroused if I see a hot young man,” another observed, “but if he’s with his father, I become excited.”
Older with younger partner couples, whether straight, homosexual, or bisexual, have been labeled as intergenerational, age-gap, age-discrepant, or, more commonly, “May-December” partnerships. Intergenerational couples are often classified as those that have a 20-year age gap between them. The causes for these age-discrepant desires consume a lot of bandwidth in the minds of many young homosexual and bisexual guys, based on the number of times this question arrives in our inboxes
Correspondence we’ve received frequently begins with the phrase: Why do I enjoy this? I believe it is because I was never raised by a father. Others, on the other hand, claim that they had the best father in the world and wish to have a father like him. Our counselors couldn’t establish a link between their experiences, and the contrasting views given by young men regarding their fathers led us to believe that they have little, if any, influence over their sexual interest.
Intergenerational attraction and relationships likely stem from multiple and layered factors. These factors in no way diminish their happiness, love, or achievement. In fact, public rejection of age-gap relationships may lead to increased commitment and intimacy. Because these couples must strive harder to counter non-acceptance from others, their efforts can benefit and strengthen their union.
Things to remember:
As a younger person with an older partner, it’s crucial to realize that worries about the age gap will pass. There will be times when it isn’t an issue at all, and at other times might appear to be a pressing concern. It is vital to remember that there will be fluctuations over time, and that you must maintain your focus on what drew you together as partners in the first place, such as shared interests, attraction, and enjoyment of each other’s company. As circumstances calm down, you can be in a better position to appreciate the enlightening experience of going through a shift together.
The most important thing for an older person married to a younger partner to remember is that patience and humor will go a long way in dealing with the ups and downs of being with someone considerably younger. Although you may feel like you’ve been through many of the situations your younger spouse is going through and believe you have all the answers, it’s crucial for your partner to choose his or her own path, with your help. Remember that they’re going through their own process, which must be respected, just as yours was at the time.